you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My feet surprised me
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