Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
