wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
