we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
