This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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