And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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