It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
