He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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