I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
