God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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