So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
