Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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