What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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