Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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