One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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