Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
