I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
