He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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