I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
