As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have post one night stand depression
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