im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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