she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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