Dual....:-)
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
