suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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