Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
