Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
wanna go halves on a baby?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
