i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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