I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
