he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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