The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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