I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
