Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
