I will die if light touches me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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