Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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