there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
