His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
