at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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