apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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