so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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