You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
