Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
