i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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