Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
