she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
