Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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