My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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