My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
