it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
