Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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