i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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