You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
