So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
