No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
