I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
