and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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