if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i believe in u and ur pee
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize