it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
