I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
