we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
