He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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