I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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