Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
