We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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