I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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