Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
