He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
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Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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