Three words: puerto rican gang bang
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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