Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
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