I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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