well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
