His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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