That's intense
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
