farters have to be the big spoon...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
