You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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