I can feel you judging me through the phone.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
