..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i love accidental penises.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize