i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
