i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
